www.thatsucks.net

Tomorrow, April 15th, is National "That Sucks" Day. It always falls on Tax Day. Tonight, I'm claiming this "That Sucks" Eve. Having a sucky evening. Got a headache and I'm not sure if it's all that pollen or just stress. Even though I don't know what the heck I'd be stressing about. I don't feel any stress.
Oh yeah. I take that back. Just bought a black car and besides the pollen, a Condor flew over and did his bidness all over the hood! And it rained. So it's now runny pollen and Condor poo. Sigh. Maybe that's why I got this sucky headache. Tried taking Tylenol, but that sucked. Didn't work at all. Still throbbin'. Wondering if a pot of coffee and a bag of Oreos would help? Nah, that would suck. I'd be up all night and I can't do that.

Anyway, I got a headache and it sucks...

But my hair looks cute.

So there's an upside to this story.

Going to bed now.

Hope you have an unsucky Tax Day.

Just thinking out loud, (and that hurts!)

Karen

"Minute 6"

Tomorrow marks the 4 year anniversary of Ginni's passing. Somehow, it only feels as though it was a couple of months ago. Around this time of year, I have a minor little meltdown. It still hurts. I know some wish I would get over myself, but that's not going to happen they way they expect it to. I have to do it my own way. Ginni was a major part of my life. There were days when Ginni was my backbone when I freaked out over insignificant dramas. And there were days when I held her up when she took her "5 minute cry." And I now use her "minute 6" tool to get through those meltdowns. Let me explain.

Ginni told me that I was allowed to mourn for 5 minutes...and on minute six, I needed to get over myself. It didn't matter how many 5 minute intervals I took...just as long as I took the sixth minute to look at the blessings that I do have.

Today started out particularly rough for me. Four years ago today, I rushed Ginni to Portsmouth Naval Hospital in a last ditch effort to save her life. When we're in situations where we have no control, we do unexplainable things in order to get the ball back in our court. People will stare and think we've totally lost our minds. Example, you're on an airplane and you're frightened. You don't go to sleep because you believe the pilot may need your help if there's a crisis. Yeah, that mentality. Funny, huh?

I took her to the hospital that day and told every medical professional there that we had to go back to National Institutes of Health for our stem cell trial because she was too weak for the surgery and will have to continue when she feels better. (NIH actually sent us home so she could be with her family on her last days.) I told them all that Ginni just needed to be hydrated or something. They humored me and they took her back to examine her. It wasn't long before I was paid a visit by several doctors to give me the devastating truth. One I knew already, but one I wasn't ready to accept. I had to let her go. At 1:50 am the following morning, she opened her eyes to heaven and then closed them for the last time.

Today, I'm thinking about the 5 minute rule, and on the sixth minute I count the blessings. I remember a week before Ginni died, we were visited by family and friends. Ginni was asked what she had done over the years that she hadn't seen these people. She said, "I got to travel to beautiful places in the world like Germany. I had three beautiful children. I went to college after I was diagnosed with breast cancer and got me a little degree...and worked in family law. I have done so much in my little life and I am grateful."

I think about that day and reflect on all the wonderful things that I have done in my "little" life too. If I were to leave this earth tomorrow, I would know that I too had done so many things in my own "little" life. I learned to scuba dive and dove shipwrecks in the graveyard of the Atlantic. I learned to ride a motorcycle and rode my bike to so many beautiful places. I've met so many people and celebrities...and some are still very good friends. I learned to dance for the local Dancing With Our Stars event and had so much fun, continued to take lessons. I gave my sister my stem cells. I got to be part of a clinical trial at National Institutes of Health. I got to be part of the healing process! I helped raise money for various cancer charities and have met so many wonderful survivors who benefit from the research...and their positive outlook on life had helped me become a stronger and better person. I have written two books to benefit the cause. I have FOUR gorgeous daughters and awesome grandchildren. A loving dog and cat who worship me whenever they see me.

So yes, If today were my last day on earth, I can honestly say that I've had a full little life. And for that, I am so grateful and blessed.

This post was my "minute 6." Thank you Ginni for leaving me with that tool to help me through the tough times. I love you.


Karen

Aww shucks. It was nothin' but dumb luck.

I thought I had Mercury in Retrograde as an excuse for this weird week, but I just checked and that doesn't happen again til May.

Still, it was a weird week for stuff. First of all, SNOW in Hampton Roads on the second day of March. Well, that messed us all up. And I'm just like most everybody out there and I don't wanna drive in that mess. So, I had somebody else drive me. Somebody who has experience with snow storms in the Northern parts of these here United States. Yeah, I'm a chicken. But I got to the job okay. Can't say much for a lot of other folks. There were piles of torn up cars on interstate 64...there was even one that was upside down! Anyway, it took nearly 3 hours to get in that morning and nearly 2 hours to get home. Next day, it took me 2 hours to get to work and 2 to get home. No more snow on the ground. The same for Wednesday and Thursday. I did NOT understand that one bit! Usually, at the time I commute, there may be a backup about once or twice a week. NOT every day! So, it was just plumb weird. I did notice that there were big chunks of ice on the road inside the Hampton Roads Bridge Tunnel for several days in a row. I know they keep that tunnel pretty clean, so I'm assuming that this may be ice debris from our cars and trucks. Ice chunks flying from vehicles is probably what caused most of the wrecks inside the tunnel this week. We all should really do our part to make sure that we don't have that stuff on our cars before we take off on our commute. Every little bit helps, ya know?

Tammy had a weird time too. A couple of days ago, she had to go to Portsmouth Naval Hospital to get a Neupogen shot. For those who don't know, Tammy is a cancer survivor. She came down with this rotten flu that's been going around, and she had to do what was necessary to take care of herself. Her immune system is compromised enough, she didn't need to try to fight this cold if her body wasn't going to help her out. Well, TWO vehicles gave her trouble. The battery died in her car so she took her mother's, which ended up flashing the "check engine" light for one reason or another...and started acting all funky and stuff. Good news is, she got to her destination. And today, she's feeling a little better. Back to her crazy old self. I know. I talked to her this morning and she's ready to kick my butt if I don't pick her up and take her to get a Starbucks soon. I'm trying to get over the flu myself, so I won't be able to defend myself. I guess I'll pick her up tomorrow for coffee. Sheesh. Anyway, I'm happy she's feeling better.

Anyway, long story short, the planets aren't lined up all funny, so all the crazy stuff was just chance. And a gentle reminder to take a deep breath...and practice patience. None of this stuff was life altering. Not worth the extra worry that ends up being taxing on the body. It's also a reminder to be more conscientious about our vehicles!

Choose your battles wisely, and save your energy for the REAL war. (Thank you Ginni)

By the way, I really don't believe in that "Mercury In Retrograde" thingy. It might be true, I don't know. But yeah, it's fun to think about when things look weirder than usual.

Potty Talk...

For years, there has been a general debate in my world about the strangest topics dealing with the family bathroom. We can't seem to all agree on it, so we agree to disagree.

Let's start with topic one - Toilet Paper: Over? Or under? My husband and I agree that the toilet paper should feed OVER. GOOD! Because I'd have to divorce him. I'd hate to have to explain that in divorce court. My grandparents? Well, I don't know how we grew up with them. They prefer theirs to feed UNDER. My sis Ginni used to go in all of their bathrooms and flip the TP around. Whenever Gramma came out of the potty, she was fit to be tied. I don't think my Granddaddy really minded. Just so long as there was toilet paper and he didn't have to replace the roll. My best friend Tammy? 99 percent of the time, she doesn't even put the TP on the roll. I guess she just wants to avoid conflict. Odd. I've never known her to be a big chicken. So anyway, which way do you prefer? Over? Or under? Don't say that UNDER is the proper way to hang the toilet paper, because I can guarantee you that there will be a big discussion going on here. Unless you don't mind debates, then let 'er rip...uh, the debate, that is.

Topic two: Reading in the powder room. I have TWO friends who feel strongly about this. (I can't believe it!) Neither one of them believe in reading in the potty. Not at ALL. No matter HOW long you plan to stay in there. One of my friends says that it ain't natural. I say, "whut?" Not even the back of a shampoo bottle? Nope. He claims that you should do your bidness and get the heck out....and for nearly 30 minutes, he stood on his soapbox about why one should not read in the potty. I don't remember a danged thing he said. But if I had to guess why he was so hotheaded about the subject, I'd say that he was raised in a houseful of sisters and only one bathroom. My other friend who doesn't believe in reading in the potty just said, "I don't read in the bathroom", and that's it. She didn't bore us with the details. Lord, I love her. But I don't agree with her. I mean, after all...





...even Storm Troopers read in the loo.


And that's good enough for me.


Just thinking out loud. Until next time...


Karen

A new day...

It's been a few days since I blogged my feelings about my experience at one particular emergency room. I know it's not a popular opinion. It was borderline controversial. I rarely get involved with controversial subjects. I don't even like to talk politics with friends, family or anybody! But sometimes you just have to stand up for what's right. I know this post has ticked off a couple of people, but that's not going to deter me from speaking up about it. And I hope that because I did, I made a positive difference.

Let me clear up a few things. I do not have a problem with medical professionals at all. If you know me, then you know that I admire them. I work close with several, and I respect them. My problem is this: I've had TWO bad experiences at ONE particular ER. Front desk only. I had only been there twice and both times the experience was deplorable. What set me off was the two women who worked the front desk when I arrived two weeks ago. I never made it to triage...heck, Ginni didn't even make it to triage, so I have no opinion or experience with any other part of that department. I walked out once the two tried to push me off on each other. This happened right in front of me! Like I wasn't even there! I knew I was in trouble, especially when neither would make eye contact with me. I walked out the best I could. I probably looked drunk, and they probably assumed that I was. And they both let me go, just like that. I didn't see whether either one of them even looked up. But my guess is, probably not. If my husband would have known which hospital I was going to after our experience with Ginni, he would have never let me go there. I had assumed that this was something that rarely happened, so the previous experience didn't even cross my mind. Besides, I was in so much pain, I had to get to the closest one. Maybe this was God's way of saying that something is still not right with that place and it was time to speak out. This went beyond disturbing when one of our posters here had a problem at the same hospital. I know, because she emailed her experience to me with the name of the hospital. She too was told to go there by her doctor. She never made it to triage either. She went to another hospital and was hospitalized for three days.

I am very grateful to the woman who took over the front desk there by the time my husband arrived to ask for the names of the women. She knew what happened and was genuinely concerned. She offered to help, but my husband had already taken me elsewhere. She gave my husband the names and the hotline number. I am grateful to the woman from the hotline who called my husband back. I just found out that I met her at the Relay for Life last year. Great lady.

The lady at the front desk at the ER that eventually took care of me was nothing but respectful and helpful. Not just to me, but to everyone. Matter of fact, I took my daughter to that same ER a couple of months ago. She had broken her leg in two places. We had to wait a little bit, but the lady working the front desk was even-tempered, helpful and got the job done. There was only one of her and nearly a full house. She was there when I arrived two weeks ago. When she saw the woman with messy hair, no make-up, sweats and a long ratty coat come in complaining of chest pains, she didn't see somebody coming in for a "free ride", she immediately went and got a nurse to put me on an EKG. It was done, over. She was already on to the next patient. She did not judge me when I walked in the door and for that, I'm grateful.

Therefore, I cannot agree with this statement from the first anonymous poster,

The unfortunate part is that the ER has grown a tolerance to suffering since nearly EVERY PERSON who presents reports symptoms as if they were on death's door, as if to drum up sympaty or a sense of urgency from the hospital staff.

Those first words, "grown a tolerance to suffering" floored me. This kind of thinking can completely wipe away the hope of anyone who enters ER requiring care. But I feel safe to say that this is NOT the attitude of everybody who works in ER, so the person who wrote this CANNOT speak for ALL.

My husband did NOT detect that attitude at all with the woman who took over the front desk at the hospital in question. And I surely didn't see that with the woman who worked at the second hospital. She treated everyone with respect.

In conclusion, my advice to the first two posters and the two women at the front desk of Hospital A is this: Do NOT have a preconceived notion of what the next patient is like, otherwise, that patient's family may have grounds for a lawsuit.

Please read this. I don't want this happening to anyone else.

I am very VERY raw in my heart and my head, and I need to get this out in the open. Maybe my story will help someone else in the future, and will encourage hospital workers to turn in their co-workers if they suspect them of being negligent with their patients. (The hospitals names, with the exception of National Institutes of Health, are not mentioned to protect those who work there and care about their patients.)

Let me start with a month before my sister Ginni passed. March of 2005. Before our last trip to National Institutes of Health to continue our stem cell trial, Ginni was suffering from so much bone pain, she needed some relief. I was told to take her up to the closest hospital ER and have them contact NIH. Anyway, I was still at work at the time..so my family took her to (hospital A) and I met them there. When I got there, Ginni was in the waiting room...wearing a mask...around a full room of people with the sniffles. The hospital front desk had already been informed and had her paperwork detailing her illness. (Those who followed our story know that her immune system was zapped to make room for my immune system that she was about to receive.) When I got to (hospital A) and saw Ginni in pain in that waiting room (and had been there for an hour), I took action. I went to the receptionist, and explained that Ginni had cancer, had no immune system, and had to get away from sick people a.s.a.p. The receptionist didn't listen. I took Ginni's scarf off her head and told them to look at her. Still nothing. Then I said to move her NOW. At that time, they immediately took Ginni to a room and away from all of the sick people. There, I sat with her...and we waited another two hours. Ginni was in excruciating pain but needed to go to the bathroom and asked me to help her there. I did. Ginni was there less than 5 minutes. When we got back to the bed, somebody was in her bed!!!! We asked the woman why she was there and she said the nurse had just brought her in there. At that time, Ginni said to take her home. We would make the drive up to NIH the next day. Ginni said that all (hospital A) saw when she arrived was dollar signs.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. For a few months, I had been suffering from heart palpitations. Original diagnosis in November at (hospital B ER) was atrial fibrillation brought on by low potassium. I was put on a beta blocker by ER and given 2 potassium supplements and referred to a cardiologist. Cardiologist said my potassium was still too low and gave me a prescription for 30 days. And to continue taking the other prescriptions I had. My family doctor told me to stay on the beta blocker, so I did. The palpitations steadily starting getting worse....two weeks ago, I suffered chest pain and could barely get out of bed. I didn't want to disturb anybody...so I stupidly drove myself to ER. (hospital A ER. The same one where Ginni had the horrible experience.) I went to the front desk and there were two women there. Neither one would look up to acknowledge me. I said I need help and I was having chest pains. Still, neither would acknowledge me. I know they heard me. I then said that I was going to sit down because I was in pain. A couple of minutes later, a woman came up and grabbed a pad and started filling it out. A pad that was not on the front desk when I arrived. She took the pad back up to the two women and they gave her a beeper like you'd get if you were waiting for a table at Outback Steakhouse. I went back up to the desk and told them I had been waiting and I needed help. I was having chest pains. One of them finally looked up and said, "You need to let somebody know you're here." I told her I did. And then the two women started fighting over who WASN'T going to help me. Both were way to busy. My chest hurt so bad. I walked out the door and back to my car. I couldn't drive anymore. I called my husband and told him what happened. He came to ER and picked me up and took me to another ER. When I got to (hospital B) ER, my pulse was down to 50 and dropping. My blood pressure was 90/60. After the tests were run, it was the beta blocker that was doing it and the ER doctor said to get off of it immediately and he called my cardiologist.

I am now off the beta blocker and no palpitations at all. The cardiologist ran more test and told me that I am predisposed to low potassium and it's dangerous to get as low as I did. I'm on a potassium rich diet and a higher dose of potassium TFN. I feel so much better.

Anyway, I contacted (hospital A) via email twice and they have not responded to either email. My husband got the names of both women at (hospital A) while I was in (hospital B) ER. There was another woman at the desk of (hospital A) who was aware of what happened with me, and gave him the names and the hot line number. She also told him that those women should not have let me walk out of there...chest pains are always to be taken straight back.

Well, he called the hot line and hasn't heard anything yet either.

I don't want ANYTHING out of this except that NO ONE ever be treated like this again. I am NOT a lawsuit kind of girl. I AM one who protects those with illness, and I'll be damned if I ever see another cancer patient go through what Ginni did. Or a heart patient die because of negligence.

I DO encourage you to share this with your friends and family and those who are health care providers and encourage them to speak up against those who are neglecting patients. It is not my intention to trash the health care industry. It is my desire to do my part to help make it better. It is also my desire to clear my heart of what happened so I can move on. I'm still very raw because of this.

I hope you can all understand.

Thank you for reading.

Karen

**Update** (Hospital A) has contacted me via email to say that my original email has been forwarded and I should hear something soon.

***Update #2***: I want to thank the ER Administrator at (hospital A) for contacting me and telling me that strides have been made to improve employee/patient communication in ER. She also told me what should have happened, but did not on that day and did apologize for it. Apology accepted. And what I really wanted has been done. To fix the problem. After the conversation I had with her, I believe she will make sure that happens. I hope to rest better knowing that the next emergency case is going to be taken care of properly. Perhaps I should have taken that matter to the ER administrator when Ginni's care was so poor. But Ginni's health was failing, and she was all I could think about. I didn't have the energy. Anyway, if I can help it, it won't happen to anyone else.


By the way...if you're ever having chest pains, DON'T drive yourself to the hospital. Get someone else, or call an ambulance. Okay? Just don't do it. I did, and that was stupid.


Update #3: I think I need to clarify in light of the two recent comments: My family doctor told me to go to ER and knew I was on the way.

Random thoughts....

This mess is just a plethora of stuff rolling through my head right now. Thought I'd stick 'em here so I'd quit thinking about them and think of other stuff that's more important...like Cheez Whiz. By the way, don't ever put Cheez Whiz in the microwave. That mess is nasty.

1.) Even though the Sarah McLaughlin commercial about animal cruelty really touches my heart and has me crying like a depressed goat, I want to know WHY that commercial is run every other hour on the Spike Channel. The MAN channel???? C'mon! To all those goobers who placed that ad in the worst possible places, I've got news for you! Whenever that commercial runs on Spike, my husband gets up and grabs another beer. I'm sure he's not the only man to take a break...I mean that commercial is as long as an infomercial anyway. That's bathroom time with a magazine in tow. You're wasting your advertising dollars.
And shame on you for running it in the middle of "1000 Ways to Die." That's wrong on so many levels.

2.) Okay....NO!!!!!!! NO!!!!! No, to the HAIL NO!!!!! The guy in Quincy, Mass. who's selling the Casey Anthony doll on Ebay: WHAT IN THE BLANK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Fox News Story


On the upside, you didn't get any bids...BUT, didn't you even feel the least bit sleazy for doing that? YOU....BIG....DUMMY!

3. I like crayons.

4. To all those folks making fun of White House Press Secretary Robert Gibb's pink neckties: The man is tough enough to wear pink! Go Robert Gibbs! Now, if he said that he was wearing it to raise breast cancer awareness, then I'd be an even bigger fan!





You da man, Robert! Don't let anybody tell you any different!

5. Charlie's Seafood in Virginia Beach makes the best She-Crab soup on the planet. And I'm gonna get me some for dinner!

Okay, that's it. My brain is empty now. No comments from my friends, or I'll tell everybody how many brain cells you guys operate on. It ain't pretty, I swear.

Still thinking out loud,
Karen