Saturday, January 19, 2008

You AIN'T allowed on the ice!

Lord love my best friend Tammy. She never listens to reason. And I have added PROOF POSITIVE to this entry. As Adrian Monk would say, "Here's what happened."

I invited Tammy to join my daughter Gabby and me at my roadshow for "Downtown Hampton On Ice." (an outdoor skating rink beside the Virginia Air and Space Center). Gabby loves to ice skate! I put her on skates when she was a little bitty thing and never told her she didn't know how. After falling on her little backside for years, she's a pretty good little skater now.

Gabby invited her friend Heather (who's also a pretty good little skater). Me? You are not going to put me on two little blades and convince me to walk on ice. I have a problem in cleats after an ice storm! I KNOW my limitations. I'm happy just to watch my daughter.

Anyhoo, Tammy tells me that she's gonna ice skate too. I immediately smelled trouble. Tammy is good at a LOT of things. Tammy is also the most accident proned person I ever met besides my sister Ginni. All I could do was picture myself on my only day off in the emergency room solving Sudoku puzzles while the "Tambone" was in x-ray.

So I told her, "You AIN'T allowed on the ice, young lady!" And then she tells me, "I've ice skated before! It was a long time ago, but it's like riding a bike!" Then I says, "How LONG ago????" Then she says, "Thirty years ago." I was like, "DOOD! You were ELEVEN! And by the way, it AIN'T like ridin' a bike! You AIN'T gettin' on the ice!"

She didn't listen. Of COURSE she didn't listen. Which is another reason why Tammy makes my life very interesting...and FUN! :D

So she gets her skates...and can't figure out how to put 'em on cuz they don't have laces anymore...they have VELCRO. BAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Okay, that was strike one. I knew it was only downhill from here. Gabby showed her how to put the skates on.

Next step, she walks out on the ice. Strike two. Now she's nervous. She yells for Gabby and Heather to come help her. Of course they do. They're more than happy to be the first witness to the accident that's impending.

Okay, I was not going to let this go without evidence that she and ice are like oil and here ya go:

Graceful! (she's gonna get me for this...but she knows I lubs her!)

I'll leave ya with this: Friends don't let friends ice skate if they ain't been on them little bitty blades in 30 years.